“It Winds” A lifetime is a long, long curl of quiet moments interrupted by noise though I searched to find I never met a straight line in all my life all observed it curves it coils winds through time only the stuff of minds mathematics logic humankind’s intent to order all straighten make predictable categorical all phenomena universal proves so beautifully unruly it is poetry in the end will always defy our black and white divides and in full colour mystify.
In my opinion, informed by cognitive-behavioural and mindfulness therapy practices, when journalling for self-care it is useful to keep in mind the following simple principles: Honesty, openness, kindness and balance. In today’s post I will discuss these briefly along with the use of reflective habit.
Honesty
Journalling is an opportunity to be completely honest. Your journal is one listener who will never judge you – guaranteed! Writing with honesty can be harder than it sounds. We are practiced at writing to convince, to impress or to seek a grade. Stripping these habits back to simple honesty can take some practice.
Take a moment recalling your thoughts and emotions today. There is no correct way to think or feel. Though sometimes others, or an “inner voice” may try to say there is. Honest entries are useful entries. If what you’ve written doesn’t quite ring true – that is interesting. Ask yourself, what is that about? Am I trying to be clever? Am I trying to avoid some feeling /idea? How come? You can then add or change a little detail if you like. I suggest not to re-write entries in general though. Whatever came out is ok (be kind!). Journalling is a “whole-book process”.
Openness
Being open means viewing each entry as an exploration. It is more helpful to start writing with “lets see where this goes” rather than “this had better help” or “I should write about X, Y, and Z”. Be open to new writing activities /approaches. Be open to mistakes. Mistakes lead to creativity. Going “off plan” is going somewhere new – it may lead to a dead end, but occasionally will lead somewhere wonderful. Be open to inspiration. What was the last thing that lit you up inside? Look for the little moments that sparked joy or intrigue. A new leaf on a pot plant, a moody streak of cloud, a delicious pastry, a painting or a song. If it moved you, then it is worth writing about.
Kindness
The essence of self-care is treating yourself with kindness. It may be helpful to set goals around length /frequency of entries. However, be flexible. Holding yourself to a rigid routine may be unkind and then the purpose is lost. Perfectionism is enemy numero uno of self-kindness. Perfectionism generates self-criticism.
When you have self-critical thoughts about your writing – pause and really take notice of what you are thinking. On inspection you may notice these thoughts are out of proportion, unreasonable, or unrealistic. Tell yourself gently that these thoughts are unhelpful and let them go. When you notice self-criticism within your writing, this may be an honest summation of where your mind has been through the day. It is helpful to have written this out where you can reflect on this intentionally. Again, try to respond kindly.
After some reflection, you might like to add a kind thought or two to finish your entry. For example, “Well, that didn’t work but I gave it a good try and I’m doing well at persevering at this, under the circumstances”. Helpful kind thoughts are realistic and believable (rather than overly positive).
Balance
You may choose to journal mainly gratitude, or as emotional venting, or as a record of symptoms, some other purpose or a combination. Whatever you main focus, if a goal is self-care and supporting wellness then it is best to aim for balance. Venting and symptom recording can be very helpful. However, a journal that is full only of symptoms, upsetting thoughts and challenging emotional experience is going to focus your attention on difficulty and may keep you stuck in negativity. Conversely, filling a journal with only gratitude and optimism may mean you are ignoring important daily experience.
Unacknowledged feelings have a way of haunting us, and denial can be harmful. This undermines the good work of journalling. We are unlikely to really believe the positivity and gratitude we are writing if we are not-so-secretly harbouring anxiety, frustrations, and grief just under the surface. It is best to aim for balance.
If you are focussing on gratitude – great, but consider starting each entry with a line or two about challenges of that day /week and how that feels. If you are focussing on venting – also great, but consider ending each entry with a line or two about something you are grateful for.
Reflection
You may have noted discussion of each principle references reflecting. Practicing reflection in your writing is a cornerstone of self-care. This can be developed by setting a habit at each entry. Before you start writing, take a couple of minutes reflecting back on your day /week.
How have you been feeling, emotionally and physically? What thoughts have been popping up or repeating? How have you been sleeping and dreaming? What have you been enjoying most? What has surprised you lately? As you finish your entry, read back on what you wrote. Consider the principles above. Does it sound honest, open, kind, balanced? If not, take an interest, be curious – what’s up with that? What’s in the way?
You may then want to address it immediately by adding to your entry. Sometimes it’s better to plan to explore the concern in a next entry. Or, more often, just thinking about it is useful. Learn and move on.
Distressing Thoughts: Sometimes distressing thoughts come through in journalling. When this happens it is best to discuss these with someone you trust. If this doesn’t settle your distress, then you should see your GP or family doctor to talk about possible supports. In the meantime, take more time for caring for yourself – keep a regular routine for eating, sleeping, exercising, do more resting, pleasant activities, relaxation and spend more time with supportive family /friends.
Your journal is for you and only you. It is a “whole-book process” and every entry is a record of a small piece of a long journey. There are bumps and twists and turns along the way. Often, the best bits in a trip are the strange, unexpected diversions!
There will be more journalling tips and discussion to come. Next “Staircase” post will be a small diversion. I will present a fun and interesting writing activity.
Take care x
Photo is by Mike Tinnion, from Unsplash.com
Sky House Poetry 